We all have voices inside that try to limit us. Here is an inside look at how I dig myself out of my spiral. I am sharing here because I preach #lovealltheparts. I can love this part too. There is wisdom in anger. Even in despair. It's the movement of energy when it's stuck under depression (or a cold, in my case). The internal dialogue, even, is just trying to protect me.
Welcome to my post Christmas death spiral show down. Wise mind versus Cruel Ellen. Ding. Ding. Ding.
"Oh my fucking god. His mean words are still beating the shit out of me." Rather, I am still beating the shit out of myself with some guys mean words.
Truth is I was able to be more present, loving and kind to myself and others than ever before this year. Miracle!
However, now I am home and I am a twisting ball of fears, angers, physical sickness and tensions rattling around wreaking havoc on my system.
The sneaky pervasive thoughts that are emerging seek to stifle my voice and cut me off at the knees. Brutal. "You aren't good enough. You can't even change the smallest of your habits. You will never achieve your goals. Your way of doing things is pathetic. You are worthless. You'll never make the money. Being homeless is a tried and true option."
Wise mind claws her way back to the present moment. "Where... are ... my ... hands?" I managed to get up and start my morning routine the voice trailing behind me. "You're literally four hours late to this routine. You might see him in the street and you'll look like shit and he'll be glad he dumped you. You can't play the guitar. You will be stuffy at your show. Can't you see how pathetic you are!?"
Meditate. Dance. Read. Write. Visualize. Affirm.
Then thoughts like "If the man I am seeking is seeking me, then I might meet him on my walk today! What if I wrote my book proposal today? I get to pick a friend up from the airport! There is dance tonight!"
Shower. Brush. Moisturize.
"But you are pathetic and you will never reach your goals. But if I think like this I will never reach my goals!!"
Snap. I wrote to two friends who I love in anger. "Why aren't you different!? Why don't you actually love me!?"
It didn't take long to turn that one around. Sorry guys!
The therapeutic point:
The movement from depression (complete powerlessness) to despair to anger to self awareness to inspiration to action is what Abraham Hicks would consider climbing the emotional scale. We can't always jump from despair to inspiration but we can jump from despair to anger. Anger gets energy moving. It's not the final destination but can be a useful depot. Find out who won the fight at my blog
Anger can be hurtful and damaging if directed at self or others. Some
suggestioms for mitigating the harm.
1. Be sure to feel the sensations in your body and stay with the flow of it as anger leads you into action.
2. Let yourself be carried into whatever's next.
3. As you boil over remind yourself and the person you are talking to that you are just mad. If you have a request you can make it but usually it is better to wait if you can. If you still care after you exercise or tomorrow you can start a conversation. I am not always able to hold out so I tend to say nice things about myself (which is decidedly weird) or just keep saying "I'm mad." I try very hard not to attack though sometimes I do. That when I...
4. Apologize as soon as the head clears. Take responsibility.
Let me know how it's going !
Compassion + Integrity = Powerful Leadership - What's your vision for the world?